The Void in My Life
As of late I have been feeling an immense hole in my life. My life journey feels as if it is nothing than a jumbled-up mess of confusion, heartbreak, betrayal, and lies. So with a life full of loss, like any normal college student would do, I joined the pity-party bandwagon and felt sorry for myself. In my destined to roam the earth alone and useless state I was positive there was nothing that would ever change my dreary outlook on life. I read a few books, prayed like crazy, talked to my parents, and even broke-down and sought advice from my crazy teenage sisters, but nothing changed. Alas a light glimmered though the dark mood I was in, and there was a sliver lining of hope on the distant horizon. That light was Waldorf very own Pastor Char.
I not going to lie to you (and I don think pastor Char will be opposed to me telling the truth) -I went to her in desperation. I don know what it is about the pastor title, but I guess you just assume that they will instantly make everything better. Alas my assumptions failed me, Pastor Char did not have an answer to all the problems consuming my life or magic prayer that cured everything ailing me, but she did have a good dose of something that I think a lot of people need-honesty. I know it sounds crazy, but Pastor Char does not know everything.
Fortunately she does have great insight, and I as I have found that I am not the only one in a bit of a faith struggle I have decided to share what I found with you. Bad advice is still advice, so take it for what it is and enjoy my pearls of knowledge (with a little help form Pastor Char).There are several times when the Bible talks about God sending people into the wilderness for some sort of faith journey. As I understand it, some poor lost soul wanders into the woods to find a new relationship with God, and wham bam thank you Ma’am, theyre healed. I read a bunch of these wilderness journey stories and, well to be honest I thought they were crap- I know I am in dangerous territory at a Christian college, but no worries my skeptic friendsI will vindicate my harsh accusations. My problem lies in the journey, or lack there of. I know that going outside and getting a good dose of fresh air can help you to appreciate the wonders of God creation, but it does absolutely nothing for me.
It is selfish, but I know I am not the only one who wants fast results when I ask for help from someone as all-powerful as God. In my need for a fast fix I am drawn to a wilderness-journey that you may find more non-traditional. We all know about Jonah, and the time he spent in the belly of a wale for disobeying God, but there is more to the story than what you may have heard in Sunday school. When you look at Jonah from a more human view, he is living the simple life. It would be easy to walk in his shoes; wake up in the morning and poof there is your day, a message from God is in your lap, complete with driving directions and a place to spend the night, talk about benefitsI wish I could find a work-study like that. This wonderful life however was destined end, and Jonah was faced with a challenge, God asked him to go to Nineveh- a place full of the wicked people you can imagine. Much like any earth bound sinner of today, Jonah ran away from what he was afraid of “change. This is where I (and Pastor Char) come in to the picture. Like Jonah I have been running from my life, not necissarly from the change, but lack there of.
Struggling to find a place in life, or even to understand my life- I developed a severe case tunnel vision. Focusing on only the bad and what I thought was the endless road of struggle, I didn allow myself to be the open minded optimistic I protest to be. In a few nights of harsh realizations, some long walks at Pilot Knob and a few very patient and understanding friends, I came to a decision. Maybe Gods plan for me is to not have a plan. In not telling me directly what to do, he is allowing me time to figure myself out, to define some of the jaded images that were clouding my heart.With my newfound appreciation for being blissfully lost, I determined it is okay to struggle. It is all right to be unsure of your future. Not knowing the exact coordinates of your journey is not a hindrance, but part of the adventure of life. It is okay to enjoy the chaos surrounding you, and even to be comfortable with the indecision that is presented to you. Relish the freedom that God gives you and enjoy your journey of self-discovery.
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